Moving with Toddlers: Realistic Craigslist ads

This post is part of an ongoing series about moving with toddlers. You can review Part 1 here

May 21 Stainless Steel Tension Rod and Shower Curtain Rings $25

Stainless steel tension rod and shower curtain rings set in like-new condition. Must sell because the baby--who can sleep through the latest Game of Thrones at top volume--will wake any time the curtain is moved. Shower curtain in like-new condition also available, as owners have more often than not chosen GoT over showering.

May 28 Red Microfiber Armchair $50

Plush microfiber chair in need of a new home. Legs can be removed from chair to fit through a narrow doorway. The chair comes from a pet-free, smoke-free, home, but was occasionally milk misted during three months of continuous pumping. Available with or without stale Triscuits between cushions. 

Jun 4 IKEA MALM Queen Bed, Black $75

This IKEA MALM bed comes from a pet-free, smoke-free home. The bed is in great condition, except that its size won't accommodate two adults and the toddler they insisted would never sleep in their bed. Casper queen mattress negotiable: firm, and perfectly worn in by nights of pregnancy night sweats, spit-up, and baby urine. 

Jun 11 IKEA Expedit 5x5 cube shelves, White, $100

White IKEA Expedit shelves (5x5 cube) in good condition. Ikea's uber-efficient storage solution initially seemed to offer enough room for one two-year-old's toys, but now we are moving to a new home so the toys can have a room of their own. We will Magic Eraser the crayon marks off, or leave them on if you want your furniture to build a rich patina.

Jun 18 Britax B-SAFE Infant Carseat, Slate Gray $100

This never-recalled, still-within-warranty car seat has only ever been installed using the LATCH system, rear-facing in the center backseat of a car whose driver has a flawless record. But given that a used carseat is akin to abuse, are you sure you even want kids? Your willingness to buy this is making us seriously question your fitness as a (future) parent.